Our secrets might end us
by Michalice W
Summary: One shot - conversation between our two stubborn lovebirds where Castle reveals his secret to Kate.  It's a little abrupt, but just go with it.


**A/N: I have this rule that I don't post anything new until all my fics are done... Well...I totally have a fic that is completely not finished, but since my other computer crashed, and that fic is all on there, I have to wait until my husband gets around to fixing it before I can finish uploading it. And this one shot has been rattling around for a couple of days, so I thought I'd post it before it's gets lost in time. It's got a bit of an abrupt start, sorry, and there's probably so many mistakes it's silly, but it's late and I wanna post, so I'm done editing! :)**

**This story is the how the conversation might go where Rick explains his secret to Kate. This is assuming they've worked past all the nonsense they are going through right now over Kate's secret...jeez these people piss me off! Ugh, just get together already, the angst is going to be the end of me. It's called COMMUNICATION! A simple, ancient technique people use to resolve issues. USE IT!**

**I don't own any of the characters or their problems, hallelujah...**

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"Our secrets will end us," Rick whispered – seemingly more to himself than to her. He turned his gaze on Kate, deep sorrow in his eyes. "We seem just bound by fate to hurt each other but I promised I would tell you, so here we go."

Castle sat her on the couch, then joined her. "You're going to be so angry," he said slowly. "And you're going to feel betrayed and confused and – "

"This has to do with my mother's case, doesn't it?" Kate asked breathlessly.

"Yeah," Castle confirmed.

"Tell me," she pressed.

"I will, but not before you promise me a couple of things," Rick said firmly. He waited for Kate to nod before continuing. "These are non-negotiable. I've come too far to not be willing to absolutely walk away with this Kate, and I mean it. You've got to promise me that you will not hear what I have to say and then retract in on yourself. You've got to promise you will keep talking to me. I don't want you going off half-cocked without any back up because you _will be_ dead before you can formulate a plan. Do you promise me you won't shut me out? You can be as pissed at me as you like, but you have to promise you won't shut me out. In fact I'm gonna say you gotta stay here for a few days so I can be sure you're not gonna sneak off on me. Do we have a deal?" 

Kate's eyes had gotten progressively wider through her partner's emphatic speech and her stomach was a mass of butterflies, but she mutely nodded her agreement.

With a deep breath, Rick pulled up his murder board and gave Kate a moment to take it in before he started in on his long-kept secret.

And he told her everything: from the shadowy messages and meetings, to the cryptic packages and documents. He spared no detail and made no apology for making the decision to not let Kate know of his involvement in keeping her safe.

When he was done with his story, he studied the detective next to him. She sat absolutely silent, obviously in shock. Castle gave her all the time she needed to process what she'd heard and after a few minutes, she stood up and walked to the smart board.

"This can't be real," she whispered. "This can't be my life."

Castle quietly joined her. This was not the reaction he'd been expecting, but after the few weeks they'd had, he figured his partner might be over any more over-reacting. "What do you mean?"

"This is the stuff of spy movies and Hollywood thrillers," Kate reasoned sadly. "This isn't supposed to happen to real people. I mean, I deal in death and murder and plotting and planning every day – but this is just...unreal."

"I know," the writer reassured her. "And I know your mom never meant for this to happen." He reached up and grabbed her shoulder, squeezing it gently, reassuringly.

At the mention of her mother, Kate teared up. "So," she said with a small sob, "if I keep trying to solve my mom's murder, some all-powerful shadowy figure is going to off me, but if I stop...if I stop, then I'm letting the bad guys win?"

"That about sums it up," Castle replied. "Although, we seem to have at least one ally – although he's more interested in keeping you off the case for now. I guess you have to make your own choice though."

Kate didn't reply, she just stared through the board. After a few minutes, Castle couldn't help his curiosity. "What're you thinking?"

Beckett covered her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut. "It's awful," she choked out.

"You promised – no shutting me out," Rick reminded her.

Turning to her partner, the detective leaned into his chest. "I don't want to die," she sobbed. "Oh God Castle, I don't want to leave you or my dad or Lanie and the boys...I feel like I'm betraying everything I stand for – but I don't know how to fight this and _I don't want to die_!"

Feeling his own eyes well up, Castle wrapped his arms around his partner and pressed his lips to her temple. "You're not betraying anyone or anything Kate," he assured her. "The time will come when this will be resolved – but it's obvious that the time is not right now. And we need you around until that day comes."

"I feel like I'm letting my mom down," Beckett confessed tearfully, burying her face into Rick's neck. "If I just give up, do you think she'd be ashamed of me?"

Castle rubbed soothing circles into Kate's back. "But you're not giving up Kate – you're living to fight another day. To me that shows smarts and I still stand by the fact that if your mother were here, she'd be having a conniption over you even thinking about pressing forward right now."

Rick felt more that saw the small smile on Kate's face. "My mother never had a conniption in her life," she informed him with a sad laugh. "She was more of a snit person."

"Good word."

Kate's smile got a bit brighter.

"So," she said, getting back on topic. "Does anybody else know about this situation?"

Castle nodded. "My mother knows," he said, watching Kate's eyebrows skyrocket up her forehead. "I asked her for some advice – which I may or may not have followed."

Beckett blanched. "I'm sorry she had to bear the stress of this," she mourned. "And you too! I can't imagine how scary it must have been – even for you, Mr. Cloak-and-Dagger-Extraordinaire."

Rick laughed. "We're both okay, I promise. Besides," he said, pulling back just enough to see into Kate's stormy eyes. "I love you and the one thing I want in this life is to make sure everyone I love is safe and happy. For some of you it's easier than for others, but I didn't specify that when I signed up, so I don't complain."

"Thank you," Kate breathed, tucking against the writer's chest again. "And I love you," she told him.

The couple stood in silence for a moment, just holding each other. The murder board eventually went black, slipping into sleep mode.

"So now that you know everything – you're all up to date on the case – your next move is...?"

Beckett pulled out of Castle's arms and faced the blank smart board. "Put it to rest for now," Kate said with finality. "Like you said – I gotta live to fight another day. And I have to believe that my mom would have wanted me to _live_ for her memory, not die chasing the demons of her death. A break will come in the case, and I will be ready."

The detective took a deep breath and let it out in a whoosh. For a fleeting moment, she swore she could feel her mother, standing next to her, proud and loving. It was the best she'd felt in a long time.


End file.
